


Carving Pumpkins

by Lingeringchaos, ZionKilse



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Dorks in Love, Fluff, Halloween, Idiots in Love, M/M, Multi, SpicyKustard, Sweet, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underfell Sans (Undertale), polyamoroy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27309271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lingeringchaos/pseuds/Lingeringchaos, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZionKilse/pseuds/ZionKilse
Summary: Edge takes Red and Sans out to buy pumpkins for Halloween. It goes about as expected. He is simply not paid enough!
Relationships: Papyrus/Sans (Undertale), Sans/Sans (Undertale)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	Carving Pumpkins

**Author's Note:**

> Thisis a gift for Raven and Stairs! I'm your spooky buddy!
> 
> I’m Chaos in the server, I don’t talk much because i’m shy as heck! You both are amazing though and I tried very hard to write some halloween fluff for you! :D
> 
> <3
> 
> Special thanks to Zionkilse my partner, for helping me get this done on time <3

“It’s a mockery to skeleton kind is what I'm sayin’.” Red’s insulted guttural tone echoed down the halloween isle, alerting all to his displeasure. Red had his arms crossed, his blood red eyes staring at the crime against nature Sans was holding in disgust. 

“I don’t know, I think it’s kind of flattering.” Sans said with a wide grin before he shook the plastic skeleton he was holding. the plastic bones jiggled and flopped about all out of place, the cheap plastic elbow doing a 360 spin that made Edge wince.

“Aint even anatomically correct.” Red gruffed, glaring at the affront to his kind before looking away. “And why is it always fuckin’ naked!?”

“Humans are afraid of nakedness?” Sans offered with a shrug, gesturing to the nearby bear costume with the plastic skeleton’s hand, rather than using his own, to their left. “I mean, Politics Bear would be so embarrassed, don’t you think?” 

“Maybe they’re just afraid of naked monsters?” Red said, amused despite himself. 

Edge pinched above his nasal passage silently begging the stars, the angel, or whoever might be listening for the strength not to shake both the skeletons before him.

“Are we done debating about humans and their ridiculous insulting holiday traditions? Can we finish shopping?” Edge demanded. Shopping was a necessary but tiring ordeal for Edge. So many monsters and humans in one place, loud noises, and the constant invasion of personal space from the old human women who universally seemed to agree that the tall murderous looking skeleton was the perfect person to ask about where the fucking toy isle was had Edge ready to pick up both Sanses and make a tactical retreat. 

“Only if Red lets me put the skeleton in the cart.” Sans said with a grin.

"Boss! If he takes that cheap abomination with him you know we’ll find it in the bed, in the shower, and in weird ass positions all around the house!” Red said, narrowing his sockets at Sans who’s permagrin just seemed to stretch a little wider. 

“We’re not taking the damn skeleton. Grab your stupid pumpkins and lets get out of this horrible store.” Edge scoffed.

"Aww c'mon! Don't you see he's bonely?" Sans did his best puppy dog eye impression.

Red grumbled and looked away, uttering a quiet "fine" as he lost the battle against Sans's pleading face.

Edge scoffed and rolled his eyelights at the two of them, giving a noise of displeasure as the plastic lookalike landed in their cart.

"I will melt it if I find it anywhere but where it's supposed to be." Edge told them, squinting at the both of them.

Red and Sans gave him twin mischievous grins.

"It'll only go where skeletons are allowed." Sans promised.

"What pumpkins should we get?" Red said, lest Edge catch Sans's loophole.

"It goes where I say it goes, and nowhere else, you two." Edge stated firmly squinting hard at Red. Huffing he grabbed the two and pushed them in front of him following with the cart. "They're up here. Red should get a white one, they're called princess pumpkins."

“Why ya want me to get a princess pumpkin?” Red demanded suspiciously. He was no fucking princess and anyone who said otherwise would be given a bad time!

"Because you sure act like one sometimes." Edge snorted at him.

Red squinted at his taller brother. “So says the queen.”

"Yes, she would agree I'm sure." Edge smirked down at Red. "Go pick your damn pumpkins already so we can go home and disembowel them."

“I was talkin’ about you, and ya know it.” Red grunted, but his eyelights brightened at the reminder of the future massacre he’d be committing on said pumpkins. Sans had crawled on top of a rather large and round orange pumpkin, about half the size of himself.

“I want this one.” Sans said firmly.

"Of course it is." Edge rolled his eyelights, leaving the cart and picking up the pumpkin-Sans and all.

Sans squeaked as he was unceremoniously lifted and placed into the cart. Not how he planned to get a free ride and take a nap in the cart, but he’d take what he could get, leaning back and yawning.

Red was eyeing the pumpkins. He wanted to get an orange one, just to spite Edge and his dumb princess comment, but the rareity of the white ones and the potential horror he could unleash upon it was too tempting. “I want this one.” he motioned with the tip of his foot towards a white, misshapen pumpkin.

"Grab it, I've got a lumpy one here already, and a pumpkin too." Edge replied.

“I think I’m more squishy then lumpy.” Sans said sagely from atop his pumpkin, socket lids half closed.

Red grumbled, glaring at the pumpkin he’d chosen, picking it up by the stem. “Don’t-” Sans said, and sighed as Red ripped the stem right off.

"I beg to differ." Edge retorted poking Sans in the ribs as he glanced at Red with an exasperated sigh. "Did you really need to do that?" He snatched it from him. "We'll find a way to fix it at home."

“Didn’t mean to!” Red said with a frown. “How was i supposed to know that’d happen!?”

"You're a stars damn scientist! Physics would dictate that a heavy pumpkin of this scale wouldn't be able to be held by its stem! Which is dried out and therefore weakened!"

“Aw, I love it when ya talk physics to me, Boss.” Red sniggered. “Really gets my motor purring.”

"I'm going to throw a wrench in your motor in a second!" Edge scowled at his brother, pushing the cart and Sans towards check out.

Sans, for his part, seemed to be fast asleep inside the cart, perched between the pumpkins and the wall of the cart, soft snores leaving him.

“Sounds kinky.” Red retorted, walking with his brother and the cart. “Think we bored him to sleep? Musta been all that physics talk.” 

"You know as well as I do he suffers from narcolepsy." Edge sighed shaking his head, at check out he placed the pumpkins on the checkout line.

“I think ‘suffers’ is a strong word. He enjoys his affliction and ya know it.” Red teased.

Edge picked Sans up from the cart and held him against his chest, arm supporting under his knees and laying him to rest more on his shoulder. "I don't think it's particularly restful for him." He hummed carrying Sans and paying for the pumpkins and plastic skeleton.

“Yeah…” Red sighed. Poor guy needed more sleep, of the restful kind. “Hey, this pumpkin was broken. We get a discount?” Red demanded pointing to the pumpkin he’d broken, squinting up at the cashier, standing on his tiptoes in the hopes the cashier would actually see who was yelling at them. Humans were such tall freaks, and the next one who called him “little boy” was going to get a black eye.

Sans mumbled as he was lifted, before nuzzling against Edge’s shoulder, settling back into the slumber he’d fallen into.

They looked at the pumpkin with a raised brow, shaking their head. "No, we don't offer discounts on anything you've broken yourself."

“Came that way.” Red said with a tight smile. “Maybe yer fellow employees should be more careful when they stock, yeah?” He frowned and looked at his brother. He didn’t seem particularly in the mood to defend Red’s honor. “But whatever. I’ll take yer broken shit for full price, fucking thieves.” He scoffed.

"Stop harassing the store minions brother. Come on." Edge sighed at him, hefting the pumpkin up with one arm. "And grab your pumpkin."

“Yeah, yeah.” Red sighed and he grinned like a shark as the plastic skeleton was bagged, eagerly taking it and his pumpkin, throwing the broken stem in the bag.

“I call shotgun.” He said, not that it mattered. His competition was asleep and nuzzled into his brother.

"You go in the car seat in the back." Edge replied with a straight face.

Red scowled at his brother. Had he been anyone else he'd have gotten a kick in the shin. "Don't have a car seat. This your way of telling me ya want a couple of baby bones? I want ya to take a good long look at Sans and imagine tiny non narcoleptic versions running around before ya go and buy a car seat."

"I don't need to imagine, I already have the two of you." Edge told Red as he set the pumpkin on top of the car and opened the passenger side door, laying Sans in the seat and buckling him in. He shut the door and placed his pumpkin in the trunk after opening it.

Red grumbled as Sans was given the front seat. He hopped in the back looking at his bag. He let out a deep chickled before pulling the plastic look alike out and buckled the plastic skeleton next to him.

"Really?" Edge scoffed as he closed the trunk and saw Red buckling it in.

“Safety first, Boss.” Red said sagely. “Wouldn’t wanna get a ticket.”

"It's a fucking plastic skeleton." Edge scowled shutting the door before getting in on his side, checking for cars behind them.

“Shh, don’t hurt his feelings.” Red scolded, patting the skeleton on the hand.

"I'm going to hurt your ass, Sans." He told Red as he squinted in the rear view mirror at his brother.

“Promise?” Red asked, his tongue flicking along the back of his sharp teeth as he grinned at his brother’s reflection.

“Don’t poke the bear.” Sans said from the front seat, yawning wide.

"Mm." Edge hummed gently patting Sans on the skull, pulling out of his parking spot and driving home.

***

Once home Edge unloaded the car and sent the Sanses inside to lay out the tarp and tools for carving pumpkins.

“TIme to disembowel the patient!” Red said with a rare maniacal glint in his crimson eyes as he picked up a jagged pumpkin carving tool.

"Not until you draw your design on it." Edge said tugging the knife from his hand. "Here." He shoved a marker into his hand in place of the knife.

Red frowned at the marker before observing his pumpkin, contemplating a design. He'd kinda just planned to stab it lots. Red glanced at Sans, who rubbed his chin, giving his own fruit a scrutinizing look. His double promptly scribbled what appeared to be ‘googley eyes’ onto it.

"Really you two?" Edge sighed watching them and shaking his head.

“What? It’s a _classic_.” Sans said with a smirk and Red snorted at the pun, wondering if Edge would catch on. Sans was often referred to as classic by the other punny skeletons.

"It ain't gonna look like that once ya carve it." Red warned. "yer gonna fuck it up." He doubted Sans had the patience or rather ambition to carefully carve giant Google eyes into a pumpkin considering last Halloween he'd simply written the word 'boo' in red marker.

"It'll look great. Chief's gonna carve it for me, right?" Sans looked up at Edge with wide and innocent eyelights. 

“I will not!” Edge scoffed looking as if he were personally offended. Sans’s permanent grin twitched into a frown and his sockets sank some, his eyelights dimming.

“...You’d probably cut yourself anyway, even on this. Can’t be trusted.” Edge grunted grabbing the pumpkin and a small knife from the pumpkin carving kit. Sans grinned, eyelights sparkling and Red made a whip sound.

“Get to work on your stupid vegetable, Sans!” Edge hissed to Red, cheekbones flushing a light pink.

“Actually, it’s a fruit.” Red said sagely, sharp golden tooth glinting as his brother glared at him. Red hummed thoughtfully and he smirked an idea forming. He drew two eyes in the shape of two packmen facing opposite directions of each other, a triangle for a nose and a wide open mouth. He then proceeded to stab at the mouth of the pumpkin with all the grace and finesse of an Underfell street thug.

“You’re butchering it.” Edge scolded and shook his skull as he carefully carved the ridiculous googly eyes Sans had drawn. How had he gotten roped up into this!? Sans grinned sitting between the brothers, watching them fondly.

“It’s Halloween, things are supposed ‘ta be butchered.” Red said, reaching into the pumpkin and pulling out the insides, Strings and globs of orange staining his hand as he strew the pumpkin guts in front of the pumpkin. 

“Really Sans?” Edge sighed, upon seeing the final result of his brother’s mess making. The Pumpkin looked sick, the way the eyes were slanted, and orange pumpkin guts were spread from the mouth. It looked very much like the pumpkin was puking.

“Now I just need green food coloring.” Red said proudly.

“I hate you.” Edge sighed, placing Sans’s pumpkin down next to Red's. It’s googly eyes looked ridiculous, and mocked him with its unnatural stare. It looked quite out of place next to Red's.

Sans howled with laughter at the both of them and the ridiculous pumpkins. Edge sighed, shaking his skull at the two of them he picked both Sanses up in either arm. Sans snuggled into the embrace while Red hissed like a cat and flailed before reluctantly letting his larger brother carry him. Edge carted his pair of idiots to the kitchen and sat them on the counter. He handed Red some green food dye, and opened the fridge and yelled as the plastic skeleton Red had bought leapt out at him.

"Sans!" Edge yelled and both Red and Sans burst into shameless giggles. Edge rolled his eyelights and pushed the plastic horror to the side before he fixed up three mugs of warm apple cider.

“Idiots.”

“Love you too, Boss.” Red said, taking his mug eagerly. Sans grinned at the both of them, his cheekbones flushing a light indigo as he took his own mug.

“Love you both. More.” 

“Nuh uh! I love you guys most.” Red said firmly.

“I love you most infinity!” Sans countered.

“I love you both infinity plus one, shut up.” Edge said in bemusement. They were idiots, but they were his idiots.

**Author's Note:**

> I ship the spicykustard so hard~


End file.
